I'm on my way home--from my hometown. I've been there for the past week. My grandfather--the most loving and adorable man on the planet--passed away last week and I went home for the funeral and to spend time with my family.
I'm thankful that I was able to spend as much time at home as I did and I'm thankful that my grandmother is doing as well as can be expected and I'm thankful that my grandpa is no longer suffering from a debilitating disease that transformed an able-bodied man into a helpless shell with a clear mind. I witnessed a sadness in his eyes when I went home last to see him--when he needed my brother and me to take care of him--and while I will miss him terribly, I'm thankful that he's no longer suffering.
I'm also thankful that I was able to write and deliver the eulogy. It was incredibly hard to write and while it will never be up for a Pulitzer, it went far better than I expected. Frankly, it was the best speech I've delivered and I suspect that it will forever retain that place in my history. And as selfish as it sounds, I'm glad my family was finally able to see some glimpse of what I've turned into. I'm not so thrilled that I needed that affirmation, but...I'm not surprised. I'm really just glad that I could do it. The religious part of the ceremony was pretty disappointing and I felt like the piece I wrote was the only part that was really about him.
But I'm so ready to go home. To get back to my life. To just be me and not anyone's daughter or sister or niece or cousin. To unpack and not live out of my suitcase. To not listen to my family complain about each other or cut each other down. To not have to worry about my brother showing up on time or drinking too much. To not be the one my mom constantly looks to for affirmation. To catch up on Weeds, Big Love, and Entourage. To check in on my pineapple plant. To crawl into bed next to Ace.
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